


Eggsy Unwin’s Full-Proof Guide to Becoming a Third

by Sheepie



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Asexual!Merlin, BFF Roxy, Bakery!AU, Bottom!Harry, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Porn With Plot, Rimming, Roxy is the voice of reason, Smut, Tailor!AU, Voyeurism, baker!eggsy, merhartwin - Freeform, top!Eggsy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-12 06:29:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5655985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheepie/pseuds/Sheepie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of the Winter 2015-16 Hartwin Secret Santa</p><p>Eggsy Unwin has a plan. In seven easy steps, Eggsy is going to become the third in Merlin's and Harry's relationship, the devastatingly handsome tailors that frequent his bakery. It's full-proof. Nothing can go wrong. Eggsy, after all, is a bonafide Casanova. Stop laughing, Roxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eggsy Unwin’s Full-Proof Guide to Becoming a Third

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thekookster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekookster/gifts).



> So here's my Secret Santa. This is self-betaed. I had a lot of fun writing it! Hope thekookster likes it!

            Eggsy Unwin has never done anything conventionally in his life. He doesn’t just march to the beat of his own drum, but he plays an entirely different instrument. When he was eight he joined gymnastics. That alone earned a few looks, especially since he grew up in the Estates and the only thing a boy his age was really supposed to do was play video games or kick a footie around. When he was thirteen, while other boys were discovering their new found interest in girls, Eggsy had decided resolutely that while, yes he did like kissing girls behind the gym, he also liked kissing boys there too. And when he was eighteen he enlisted in the Marines, too his father’s pride and his mother’s dismay. His Da had thought Eggsy would build a decorated career in the military, much like he had done, but as soon as his first tour was over, Eggsy dropped out and decided that he didn’t want to be in the Marines, he wanted to open a bakery.

            So it wasn’t much of a surprise to his best mate Roxy when he told her he planned on seducing the two hot older men that frequent his shop.

            “You realize they’re a couple, right?” Roxy stated, sitting at the counter. It was an hour after closing and Eggsy had just finished tallying the day’s sales. “And they’re both as old as your father.”

            “I know,” Eggsy said. “S’why I’m interested. Y’ seen them? They’re right fit, Rox.”

            Roxy shook her head, called him pertinacious, and then dragged him off to a bar to try and distract him from his thoughts.

            The thing, though, is that Roxy was right. Eggsy is pertinacious. Once he’s latched on to an idea or plan, he doesn’t let go. Even if it’s most likely to blow up in his face—and over half the time it does—he follows through to the end.

            So now that he’d gotten his sights set on these two blokes, he has to figure out a way to get them to notice him.

            And thus, the _Eggsy Unwin’s Full-Proof Guide to Becoming a Third_ was created.

*** * * ***

**Step #1: Find a Compatible Couple**

            Eggsy opened shop at seven, but came in at four to start the baking. He stayed through opening until about ten, and then went home for a few hours (leaving the shop in the capable hands of his childhood mate/co-owner Jamal), before returning in the evenings to oversee closing. His bakery was on the corner of Savile Row and New Burlington Place, across the street from West End Central Police Station, and just down the road from a line of upscale tailor shops and clothing stores. If anyone would have told Eggsy that he’d own a bakery across from the fuzz, he’d have laughed in their face and asked if they were taking the piss. But really, it was the most ideal spot, because coppers’ loved their pastries, and Eggsy was more than happy to be their dealer.

            Alistair (call me Merlin) Gray and Harry Hart came in anywhere between seven forty-five and eight o’clock, depending on long Harry had slept in that morning. They worked down the street at the tailor shop Kingsman. Merlin ordered tea with a dash of cream and a rosemary citrus scone, while Harry—who had a sweet tooth the size of a mammoth’s molar—ordered a coffee and a cinnamon chip scone.

            Both men had been coming every day, Monday through Friday, for the last four months, starting a month after Eggsy opened. It took Eggsy a week to learn the schedule and have their items prepped and waiting for them to arrive.

            That morning was the same as any other. The bell above the door chimed as Merlin walked in first, dressed in a pair of pressed gray trousers and a green cashmere jumper with brown suede shoulder patches. When he smiled at Eggsy in greeting, his gray eyes sparkled, and the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes crinkled.

            Eggsy was dying to find out what exactly Merlin was hiding under those plush jumpers. He had an inkling it was a wicked physique.

            “Good morning Merlin, Good morning ‘Arry,” Eggsy greeted with his normal cheer, pretending that his stomach hadn’t suddenly taken a skydiving trip.

            “Good morning, Eggsy,” Harry responded first. When he smiled, Eggsy always felt like Harry was laughing at some private joke only he was privy to; there was a reserved amusement in the way his lips twisted up, and his tea-brown eyes softened innocently and twinkled.

            “Yer here early today. Merlin actually got y’ up after the first alarm?” Eggsy asked teasingly as he poured a cup of coffee and tea, splashing creamer in both.

            “I’ll have you know I’m always an early riser,” Harry said in mock-offense.

            Eggsy and Merlin both shot him a deadpanned look, and Harry rolled his eyes. “Oh sod off the both of you.”

            “Scones are nice and hot. Just out of the oven,” Eggsy said and passed the mugs to both men. If his hands lingered a few seconds, brushing against theirs, well Merlin and Harry didn’t comment. He plated their pastries and brought them out to the table they had selected near the front window.

            “Thank ye, lad,” Merlin said, passing Eggsy a note to pay for the meal.

            Eggsy wanted to stay and talk, but a slew of customers decided at that moment to come in. Harry nodded to him, and Eggsy resigned himself to spending the rest of their visit behind the counter, serving tea and almond twists. Occasionally he’d look over to their table and watch them talk softly, heads close together. A few times Eggsy caught either Harry’s or Merlin’s gaze, and it linger for a moment—maybe even a little longer than what was considered proper—before they’d look away, a smirk toying at their lips.

            They left just before eight thirty, just as the bakery began to swell with patrons. Eggsy watched them go, stomach fluttering longingly. Yeah, he didn’t care what Roxy said. He was going to become their third.

* * * *

**Step #2: Get Couple to Notice You**

Merlin and Harry had been coming to Unwin’s Bakery for over four months, and in that time Eggsy had learned that their favorite scone and drink order, that they were a couple, and that while Merlin was a morning person, Harry wasn’t functional until after half a mug of coffee. It was more than Eggsy knew about any of his other customers. More than he _should_ know about his customers, Roxy liked to point out.

            But did they know anything about Eggsy? Other than he was the one that served them, he wasn’t a blip on their radar.

After their initial gentlemanly greetings, they always went off to their seat by the window and spent the morning conspiring together in that ideally romantic way that couple’s do when they’ve been in the relationship for awhile. They’d sit across from one another, hands wrapped around mugs, heads tipped close but not too close, and they’d murmur softly, quiet exchanges that fluctuated between groggy whispers about the weather to heated mutterings about this event or that. Merlin would always have spare napkins, because Harry was notorious for getting crumbs everywhere, and Harry would gently stroke his fingers along the top of Merlin’s hand when he thought no one was looking, a fond twinkle in the corner of his eye as he watched Merlin.

They lived in their own world, and as of right now Eggsy was an outsider to it, only given glimpses and brief moments of contact, but never actually allowed in.

            He planned on changing that. First step? Holding a conversation longer than two minutes. If he can talk to them, get a repertoire going, then maybe they’ll see him as more than the baker who supplies their caffeine and sweets addiction.

            A week after Eggsy decided to begin plan Rainbow Falcon (as Jamal so gleefully titled it), Eggsy initiated phase two. Sullen gray clouds darkened the sky, and a little before seven a steady drizzle had begun. By the time Merlin and Harry came into the bakery, shaking their umbrellas and coats to dispel raindrops, the rain had shifted to a downpour. In the brief seconds the door to the shop swung open, Eggsy could hear the hard patter of the rain, and the splash of tires tossing puddles onto the sidewalk like a roiling tide.

            Eggsy held up two steaming mugs and said, “This should help fight that chill.”

            Both took their cups gratefully and migrated to their seats. A moment later, Eggsy came around with two plates of scones. Merlin slipped him a note for the food and drinks, but instead of scurrying back to the register, he placed it in his pocket. It took Eggsy a moment to compose himself—he always seemed to lose his head when he was around the two men. It didn’t help that Harry looked exceptionally dashing that morning in his navy bespoke suit.

            “I’m thinking of trying a new scone recipe,” Eggsy blurted out. He winced—that was not what he meant to say.

            Harry tipped his head to the side, brown eyes rolled up to regard him with vague curiosity. The hint of a smile curled at the corners of his supple mouth—would his lips taste like cinnamon and coffee, or something richer?

            “Oh, you are? What kind?”

            “Nuffin special,” Eggsy immediately said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Just somfin I’ve been playing around with. A lavender and vanilla flavor.”

            “Sounds delicious,” Merlin said.

            This was not how Eggsy got them to notice him, with benign conversation on _scone flavors_. Eggsy was ready to retreat back to the counter and regroup, when Merlin said, “Did I ever tell you about the time we were in Vienna?”

            Eggsy paused, perking up. “No.”

            Harry chuckled, expression softening with amusement. “The Palais Coburg Residenz? That was a good trip.”

            “I don’t know about good. The airport lost my suitcase for the first three days of our stay,” Merlin said.

            “It was a good excuse to stay in,” Harry said. Eggsy’s first thought was that they not only stayed in their room, but also their bed, but there was something in the gentle cadence of Harry’s words, an intimate fondness, that suggested more than illicit affairs, but something vastly more private and personal.

            He started to get the feeling that he was once more being shut out of their world. He could practically see the window closing as they looked at each other. Merlin broke eye contact first and turned to Eggsy. “When we were there, we ordered a pastry tray for breakfast one morning. They had these scones that were to die for, and one of them that was exceptionally delicious, was this dark chocolate and chili scone.”

            “Huh, I never would have thought of trying that.” He was already composing a recipe in his mind. Before he got lost in his thoughts, he focused back on Merlin and Harry. “What brought y’ to Vienna?”

            “A much needed vacation,” Harry supplied.

            “High stress at the tailor shop?”

            “No, nothing like that. We just try to take a trip at least once a year, give ourselves a break.”

            Eggsy couldn’t imagine that luxury. Sure he’d traveled outside of England when he was in the military, but his parents never had enough money—what with his da being on a soldier’s pension and his mum making mince as a nurse—so family vacations were far and few, and mostly consisted of heading up to Bath to visit relatives.

            “The two of y’ must ‘ave seen a lot of things then,” Eggsy said, and to his satisfaction, Merlin and Harry took the bait. They launched into a discussion about their travels, detailing their trek through the French countryside and gondola rides in Venice. Without even realizing it, Eggsy had pulled over a chair and flopped down at the table with them.

            “And then, like the git he is, he fell right into the river,” Harry laughed.

            Merlin shot him a petulant glare. “Don’t make me tell him about Belize.”

            “You wouldn’t dare.” Harry narrowed his eyes.

            “Watch me.”

            Eggsy looked between them eagerly, asking, “Belize? What happened in Belize?”

            “Harry got drunk and locked himself out of his hotel room—without his pants on,” Merlin finished with a satisfied smirk.

            “I was not drunk.”

            “You were plastered off your arse.”

            “A gentleman doesn’t—”

            “Bollocks.”

            Eggsy clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to hold in his laughter. They turned to him, their glares warming until their expressions cracked and all three of them laughed raucously. Wiping tears from his eyes, Eggsy said, “I can’t believe y’ been to all them places. Man I picked the wrong field. I should of become a tailor.”

            “You should come by the shop sometime. I could fit you for a suit,” Harry offered.

            Eggsy’s stomach did a victory flip at the offer, even though he knew he couldn’t afford to buy a bespoke suit.  “Ah, well, I don’t know—yer suits are a bit out of my price range,” Eggsy said.

            “Nonsense.” Harry waved his hand dismissively.

            The bell chimed and a large crowd of customers pooled out of the rain and into the shop. Eggsy looked up, bit back a sigh, and pushed to his feet. “Well, back to the grind stone.”

            He returned to the register, and by the time he finished serving the rush, Merlin and Harry had left. Eggsy leaned back against the counter, looking out at the crowd, and decided that phase two had been a success.

*** * * ***

**Step #3: Get Close to Couple**

            Eggsy didn’t go to Kingsman Tailor Shop like Harry insisted—he wasn’t lying when he said he couldn’t afford one of their suits. As well as the bakery was doing, he was still a starting business and it would be some time before he could start turning that profit on himself.

            The next week Eggsy had dark chocolate and chili scones for Merlin. When he served them, Merlin gestured for him to sit, and Eggsy spent the next thirty minutes listening to his adventures in Mumbai when he was just eighteen. Harry followed the story with one of his own, and by the following week, Eggsy had baked something reminiscent for both of them.

            That was how it went, for nearly a two months: Merlin and Harry would come, Eggsy would have something new for them to try, they would share stories about their lives, together and separate, and slowly, Eggsy began to share about himself, talking about his childhood and short tour with the Marines. At the end of every visit, Harry would insist Eggsy come by the shop for a fitting. Eggsy always smiled and promised to make time.

            Eggsy learned to make new things. He added new items to the shop menu: French Macaroons of all flavors, delicate petit fours, and breads of all kinds. Business swelled with each new item, and the morning grew busier and busier, until near the three month mark, Eggsy was so busy he couldn’t take the time to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee with Merlin and Harry.

            They watched him handle customers with smiles, glancing up from their private conversation every few minutes to see if he would swoop in and join. The window, which had been open and welcoming, now seemed to once again be shutting, and Eggsy knew if he didn’t act quickly and move to phase four, he’d lose his chance with Merlin and Harry.

* * * *

            “You mean you’re still going on about this?” Roxy rolled her eyes exaggeratedly and picked up her pint. Eggsy had agreed to meet her at the Black Prince after the shop closed. “I thought you let that go since it had been awhile—I should have known.”

            “Ain’t forgot nuffin. Been working on it for months now, thank y’ very much. Goin’ onto phase four now.”

            “Phase what?” She held up her hand almost immediately after asking. “Never mind, I don’t want to know. Just tell me this; you aren’t going to do anything stupid, are you?”

            Eggsy pressed a hand to his chest. “Me? Do something stupid? I’m offended that y’ would even think of sumfin like that.”

            The flat glare she gave him could have curdled the milk in his stomach. She set her beer down and curled her arms on the table top, leaning forward in a conspiratorial manner. “I’m serious Eggs, be careful. This can only end in heartache, and I really would rather not get put away for double homicide because a couple old blokes couldn’t keep it in their pants.”

            “They ain’t like that or anything, Rox. Swear down, they aren’t. Couple of proper toffs, they are. Gentlemen. Not like the blokes here,” Eggsy said and gestured minutely to the crowd that milled in the tavern.

            Roxy eyed him doubtfully, but didn’t argue further on the matter. Eggsy steered the conversation back to her and the series of dates she’d been having with a woman named Amelia. When Eggsy got home that night, he’d already begun to plot for the next step.

* * * *

**Step #4: Seduce the Couple**

            Despite what so many people wanted to think, Eggsy wasn’t a slut. He could count on one hand the number of lovers he’s had in all his twenty four years.

            The first was when he was sixteen. She was from his school, a little on the plus side, and had a beautiful smile. The second had been when he was eighteen, right before he shipped off. The bird was looking for something a bit rough and Eggsy just wanted a last hoorah before boot camp.

            During his stint in the Marines he’d gotten with one of his brothers-in-arms. It was mostly for releasing pent up frustrations, but a small part of Eggsy had fallen for him. The guy panicked after a couple months though and ended it.

            Since he’d been out of the military, he hadn’t really gotten with anyone else. He’d been so busy starting up his bakery that he hadn’t had time for sex, let alone romance.

            Despite his limited number of partners, though, Eggsy liked to consider himself a regular Casanova. He may not sleep around, but he did know what sweet nothings to whisper in order to knock someone off their feet.

            So just over three months after he’d begun sharing morning scones with Merlin and Harry, Eggsy caved and went to Kingsman Tailor Shop. He’d been saving and scraping the entire time, putting aside what he could in order to afford their lowest scale item.

            _Hopefully they don’t laugh me out of the place._

Eggsy stopped in front of the shop, his hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie, and stared up at the store front. In uniform golden letters the name of the shop was written on the display window, where three mannequins were dressed in impeccable suits. The shop screamed posh and Eggsy felt like he should be paying them interest just for standing on their stoop.

            He ignored the glances he earned standing there. He knew he looked out of place—like some chav from the Estates, lost and striving for the unattainable.

            Eggsy mounted the stairs and walked into the shop. Harry looked up from behind the counter, sporting a pair of glasses he’d never worn before. For a second Eggsy forgot to breathe as he stared at him. _Fuck, he looks good._

            “Eggsy,” Harry said with a note of fondness, as if he’d been expecting Eggsy all along. “Taking my offer for a fitting?”

            Eggsy scoffed his foot on the floor and shrugged. “Thought I’d see wot it was all about. Where’s Merlin?” He looked around, noticing a lack of wizard in the room.

            “He ran out on a call. Some clients request a fitting in their private homes,” Harry explained.

While he could do the plan with just Harry, he would have preferred to work with both. He’d just have to find another way to tempt Merlin. None of this would come together if only Harry was interested. Eggsy didn’t want to just be with Harry. He wanted them both, to feel both of their hard bodies pressed against his, to have both of their lips on his neck. The thought made him shudder.

“Ah. Next time I’ll call and have y’ come to my apartment then,” Eggsy said with a smirk.

“I’d be more than happy to oblige that request,” Harry said, and Eggsy swore there was a hint of hunger beneath that veneer of politeness.

            Eggsy swallowed and walked around the tables displaying bolts of fabric. “So this is a tailor shop, eh?” He mentally winced at the stretch of conversation. So much for sweet nothings.

            Harry chuckled and moved gracefully around the counter, coming to a stop at Eggsy’s right. “It is. Why don’t you come into Changing Room One? Perfect for… popping one’s cherry.”

            Eggsy’s gaze snapped up to Harry, and that time he was sure there was a spark of hunger crackling behind Harry’s coffee eyes. He raised a brow, but matched Harry’s smile with his own, and said, “Shame Merlin couldn’t be here for the experience.” He gestured with a wave of his hand. “Lead the way.”

            Harry guided him into a spacious changing room with three mirrors. The room matched the rest of the shop, with deep green wallpaper and dark wood finishings. On the walls were paintings of fox hunts, and on a small ornate side table was a stuffed fox. Personally, Eggsy found the décor unnerving, but he kept his mouth shut and stopped in front of the mirror.

            “So what do I do, strip?” Eggsy watched Harry through the mirror.

            Harry chuckled and stepped up behind Eggsy, settling his large hands on his shoulders. “No—as lovely as I’m sure that would be—you can leave your clothes on. I’ll just be taking a few measurements.”

            Eggsy almost missed the comment, but he had heard it, and he held Harry’s stare for a few seconds longer than what would be deemed appropriate. Harry slid his hands down Eggsy’s arms, fingers lingering a moment, before he materialized a roll of tape from his pocket. Harry turned Eggsy to the side, and in one fluid motion, dropped to his knees. Eggsy stared down, cheeks flushed, rather happy with the sight of Harry kneeling before him. There were a dozen other things that Eggsy could think of that would be better to do in that moment than Harry taking his in-seam.

            “What made you change your mind?” Harry asked, as he started his measurements. Eggsy thought he might try to cop a feel while he was working, but Harry was the epitome of work ethics.

            Despite Harry’s well-maintained decorum and civility, Eggsy found his thoughts slipping out his ears. The only thing he could focus on was Harry crouched in front of him, mouth cock-level, and his hands ghosting up his legs. What would they feel like without layers of jean between them, pressed hair against his thighs, finger tips digging into the meat of his muscle, trimmed nails biting into flesh, dragging angry red scratches from hipbone to knee as he manhandled Eggsy into new positions.

            Suddenly the room felt ten times smaller and a million times hotter. Eggsy licked his chapped lips, and when Harry paused in his measures, he realized he’d been asked a question.

            “Sorry bruv, wot was that?”

Harry smirked, and Eggsy swore he could read his thoughts. “I asked, what made you change your mind?”

            Eggsy shrugged. “Figured I’d see wot it was all about. Y’ kept asking, guess y’ finally wore me down.”

            Harry hummed, and Eggsy couldn’t tell if it was in approval or something else. Before Eggsy knew it, though, Harry had taken all his measurements, and was standing once more in front of him.

            “You didn’t write anything down,” Eggsy stated after a moment.

            Harry just smiled and exited the room, Eggsy having no other choice but to follow. At that moment, the door to the shop swung open, the bell above chiming, and Merlin walked in. His steely gaze immediately locked onto Harry and Eggsy, and Eggsy wanted to slink back into the room, suddenly feeling like he’d been caught doing something wrong.

            Merlin’s gaze softened when it landed on Eggsy, though, and the brief sense of panic bleed away, leaving Eggsy yearning for Merlin’s touch now.

            “Lad, what a surprise. What brings you here?”

            “Eggsy decided to take my offer on a fitting,” Harry announced.

            “Did he?” Merlin raised his eyebrows. It was almost humorous to watch, because there was no hairline for his well-kept, but thick, brows to vanish into, and it seemed for a moment as if they could go on forever.

            Merlin and Harry shared a look, one that Eggsy couldn’t read, and he got the distinct feeling that he was missing something. Was fitting really code for something else?

            “Yeah, figured y’ both had talked about it so much,” Eggsy said, a little hesitantly, glancing between them. “Told ‘Arry I’d have to do a house call next time, save myself the commute.”

            Merlin smirked. “Oh, I think we could arrange that.”

            Eggsy opened his mouth, but then snapped it closed when he realized he didn’t know how to respond. Merlin chuckled and came around to Harry. “Take his measurements then?”

            “I did,” Harry confirmed.

            “And?”

            They both glanced at Eggsy, and Eggsy squirmed, not sure why he wanted to hide. Harry nodded, mouth tipped up. “Perfect, as I predicted. I know just the fabric to use.”

            “Don’t I get to choose?” Eggsy asked—oh God, he hoped Harry didn’t select some obscenely expensive material that Eggsy couldn’t afford.

            “Trust him lad, he knows what he’s doing,” Merlin reassured, though Eggsy still felt a spike of panic. He barely had enough money to afford a pocket square, let alone a full on suit of the finest wool. He needed to abort this mission, and fast. Merlin—as if he knew the thoughts racing through Eggsy’s mind—placed his hand on the curve of Eggsy’s lower back and started to guide him towards the back of the shop. “Since you’re here, why don’t we give you the tour?”

            “Are y’ sure?” Eggsy asked. “Wot if a customer comes?”

            “It’s alright,” Harry said, suddenly by the door. With a flick of his wrist, he locked it.

            Eggsy swallowed, unable to think of an excuse, and let himself be steered up the stairs. Harry rambled on about the history of the tailor shop, but Eggsy really wasn’t listening, because Merlin still hadn’t removed his hand from his lower back, and was in fact stroking his thumb back and forth. Eggsy could smell his cologne—a musky mixture of bergamot, tea leaves, and rich leather—and it was making his senses go haywire.

            “And this is our meeting room,” Harry announced, flinging open the double doors to the great room with a refined flair that only he could muster. In the center of the room was a long oak table, polished to a mirroring shine, with twelve chairs around it. It felt almost reminiscent of the round table spoken of in Arthurian lore.

            “Bit extravagant, ain’t it?” Eggsy commented, approaching the table and finally breaking contact with Merlin.

            For a brief moment Eggsy felt the absence of Merlin’s hand, a sudden lack of weight that wasn’t resting there—it was short lived, though. Almost as soon as Eggsy walked away from Merlin and stopped at the head of the table, Harry was there, his hand resting just below the shoulder, fingers not necessarily stroking, but minutely moving in a manner that was most certainly too familiar for a tailor and customer.

            Eggsy’s brain short circuited, overwhelmed by Merlin’s cologne and Harry’s own oak and vanilla scent. Thoughts of round tables and tailors vanished, replaced by the single vision of Eggsy stretched out across the top of the table, legs spread in a wide ‘v’, and body bent in half as Merlin and Harry took turns fucking his gaping hole.

            “I always said it was,” Harry agreed, hot breath ghosting over the shell of Eggsy’s ear. Eggsy jumped, a shudder racing down his spine, and turned to look at him. Harry smiled innocently. “But Chester refuses to listen to me. Lost in the old ways.”

            “Chester?” Eggsy croaked. He cleared his throat, flushing.

            “Our boss,” Merlin supplied, mouth close to Eggsy’s other ear.

            Eggsy jerked and stumbled back, putting distance between them. He clenched his arse, his blood pounding hard in his veins, and looked between the two men. Shit, he was losing sight of his mission. He was a lot better than this—than this pathetic school boy he’d been reduced to, whimpering after his much hotter and much older teachers.

            “Are you alright, Eggsy?” Harry asked.

            “Y-yeah, fine, guv,” Eggsy reassured as recollected himself. He needed to regroup and try again. “So Merlin,” Eggsy began, shedding his awkwardness and replacing it with a veneer of suave confidence. “Harry didn’t tell y’, but he popped me cherry back there. Wish y’ could have been there to see it—he was very good with his hands. Can’t think of a better tailor.”

            “You haven’t tried us both,” Merlin responded, meeting Eggsy’s stare, and almost immediately crumbling his fragilely built sense of control. “While Harry is skilled, he works much better with a guiding hand.”

            Eggsy swore there was a promise there.

            “It’s always much better when we work together, wouldn’t you say?” Harry glanced at Merlin, lips teased up into a private smile.

            “Certainly.”

            Whelp, there went his brain. He just watched it cannonball out the window. Eggsy forced an awkward laugh and then said, “Well, I better get going. I need to get back to the bakery.”

            “Of course,” Harry said, and whatever had exchanged between them was gone, replaced once more by that kind politeness that Eggsy had grown to love. They all three returned to the front of the shop and Harry unlocked the door. “I’ll let you know when your suit is ready.”

            “Shouldn’t I uh… pay for it now?” Eggsy asked.

            “You can worry about that when you pick it up,” Merlin said, and Eggsy looked at him unsure, but nodded. He waved good bye and left, not sure if phase four of the plan had been a success or not.

*** * * ***

**Step #5: Get Invited to the Bedroom**

Eggsy really wasn’t sure how he wound up standing in front of Merlin’s and Harry’s front door. They lived—to no surprise—in Chelsea, in a white building with black wrought iron window fixtures and flower boxes. It was tucked in the back, with a small cobble stone walkway, and perfectly trimmed shrubs lining the passage. Eggsy wondered just how much they made as tailors—maybe he was in the wrong business.

            Merlin and Harry had come into his bakery three days ago and ordered their regular. After a bit of small talk, and discussion about Eggsy’s bespoke suit—which he feared was going to cost him more than he could ever pay—Harry and Merlin had invited him over for dinner.

            Eggsy still couldn’t wrap his mind around the offer. Yes, it was what he wanted, but he thought he’d have to work a little more. In all honesty, he’d planned on asking them both out.

            He wasn’t complaining, though. It didn’t really matter how he got here, just as long as the endgame was all the same—him sandwiched between two slabs of well-aged man meat.

            Eggsy glanced at the bottle of wine in his hand—Roxy had recommended it—and hoped it was a decent brand and year. He drew in a deep breath and knocked on the door. A breeze swept down the path, cooling the sweat that had begun to perspire on his forehead.

            Was he dressed appropriately? Did he put on deodorant? What if this was just dinner, and not dinner _dinner_.

            Shit. Maybe he should turn around. No one had answered the door yet. If he was quick, he could probably make it around the corner before anyone did.

            The door opened and Harry beamed down at Eggsy, dressed in an oatmeal cardigan and a pair of casual dress slacks. He stepped out of the way and gestured for Eggsy to enter. “Come in.”

            Eggsy swallowed, wondering if this was what Dante felt before he descended into hell, and took a step into the luxurious flat. The aromatic scent of garlic and herbs permeated through the foyer, which Eggsy noted was cluttered in pictures. He thought the walls were red, but then they could have also been a brownish color. It was hard to say.

            Harry closed the door behind him and flicked the lock, the heavy tumble of the deadbolt echoing loudly in Eggsy’s mind.

            “We’re glad you came. Merlin is in the kitchen,” Harry said, settling his hand on Eggsy’s lower back and steering him into a yellow dining room.

            Eggsy shoved the bottle of merlot at Harry and stated, “I got this for you.”

            Harry leaned back to avoid getting smacked in the face by the bottle and accepted the gift with a chuckle and smile. “Thank you, you shouldn’t have,” Harry said, and a panic shot through Eggsy.

            “If it isn’t a good one, I can go get something else—I didn’t know, I’m not really a wine drinker. A friend recommended, but like I said, I can run out, I’m sure there’s a wine shop somewhere ‘ere. Posh neighborhood like this,” Eggsy rambled, barely a breath between each word. The longer Eggsy spoke, the higher Harry’s eyebrows climbed on his forehead. When it seemed like they were going to vanish into his hairline, Eggsy snapped his mouth shut.

            Harry stroked his fingers up Eggsy’s spine—a decidedly familiar, beyond-friendly gesture—and settled his palm on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “It’s wonderful. And we have beer if you don’t like wine.”

            They entered the kitchen. Eggsy was wonderfully surprised to find Merlin wrapped up in a gray and white striped apron. He turned to greet them, his hard features relaxed. “Lad, ye made it.”

            “I brought wine,” Eggsy stated again.

            “He brought wine,” Harry repeated, holding the bottle up to display. Merlin and Harry shared a look, lips teased into a not-quite smile, and Eggsy had a feeling words were being exchanged without him knowing it.

            “Why don’t you open it and allow it to breathe? Dinner should be ready soon,” Merlin said after a moment.

            “Is there anything I can do?” Eggsy asked, standing helplessly to the side.

            He didn’t know why he felt so awkward. Usually he’d just slip in and start romancing, murmur a few things, a few playful glances, a flash of dimples, and wham-bam-thank-you-mam, he was in. But Harry and Merlin were different, and from the very beginning he’d been out of his element. It was like he’d been swimming in the shallow end his whole life and suddenly someone just thrown him into the pitch black deep end.

            “Be a good lad and fetch three glasses for Harry,” Merlin instructed, nodding to the cabinet. “Right up there.”

            The two words _good lad_ slid down Eggsy’s spine like silk, sending a small tremor through his nerves. Oh he most definitely wanted to be a good lad.

            Eggsy obediently collected the glasses and brought them over to Harry, who had removed the foil and cork from the wine bottle and set it aside to air.

            Merlin didn’t lie when he said dinner was almost ready. Ten minutes later they were sitting at the long dining table, plates of pasta in front of them. It was a light dish, with grilled chicken and a lemon sauce over a bed of angel hair. Eggsy moaned after his first bite. “Fuck me, that’s good.”

            He didn’t even realize what he said until he looked up and caught Merlin and Harry smirking at each other. He flushed and corrected, “I mean this is delicious.”

            “Thank ye. I do most of the cooking around here. Harry’s way of fixing dinner is choosing one of the take out menus.”

            Harry shot Merlin a playful glare. “It is not. I cook.”

            “Rarely.”

            “Well why would I, when you do such a lovely job?” Harry quirked a brow, a silent checkmate.

            Eggsy watched the exchange with a smile, waiting until there was a pause in the banter to ask, “How long have y’ two been together?”

            The way they acted, he would have thought they’d been married for years. While they were never overtly affectionate, there was a comforting familiarity in the way they acted around one another, a quiet domestication that was borne from years of living with a person. Harry reached out over the table and settled his hand on top of Merlin’s.

            “Twenty-two years?” Harry looked at Merlin for confirmation.

            “Twenty-three,” Merlin corrected fondly.

            Eggsy glanced down at his plate. Definitely much longer than he expected. He’d only just been alive that long. Doubt crept into his mind, setting off an alarm to retreat and give up his foolish pipe dream. There was definitely no place in their lives for the likes him. At most he’d be a temporary bed partner, something to spice up their sex lives—and he didn’t want to be that, not when he’d grown so fond of the both of them.

            “How’d y’ meet?” Eggsy asked, shaking himself from his morose thoughts. He took another bite of the meal, but it no longer tasted as good and was much harder to swallow.

            “Work,” Merlin answered, and Harry clarified, “We were both training to become tailors at the same time. Merlin had hair back then, of course.”

            Eggsy eyed Merlin, having trouble seeing him with anything but a shiny bald scalp. “Really? Y’ mean he wasn’t just born like that?”

            “No, I’m afraid he didn’t become a crotchy ol’ git until about forty,” Harry said.

            “At least I didn’t become this way until forty, ye were always a giant fusspot and peacock,” Merlin said. Eggsy hid his laughter behind his napkin.

            Harry hushed Merlin and then said to Eggsy, “I can show you pictures, if you like.”

            As curious as he was, he didn’t want to look at them—to see their lifetime of memories. He smiled, though, and said sure, before shoving more food in his mouth. Merlin and Harry shared another silent-but-loud stare, where so many words were exchanged, even when they didn’t speak a single one. Eggsy wished they’d stop doing that.

            After dinner, Eggsy helped Harry wash dishes, and then retired to the living room. Merlin had poured three sniffers of after dinner brandy. The conversation stayed light, drifting between Eggsy sharing stories from his time in the service and his little sister Daisy, to Harry and Merlin entertaining Eggsy with tales of their travels and work at the tailor shop. Even though they’d talked hundreds of times before, and the conversation had never been stale then, tonight felt different for Eggsy, as if he were seeing a part of Harry and Merlin that no one else ever had, and that made the evening that much more bitter sweet.

            “Do y’ have a bathroom?” Eggsy asked after awhile.

            Harry told Eggsy where it was. Eggsy wasn’t surprised to see more of the house decorated in an array of photographs, as if Harry had bought every portrait and picture at the local flee market. He pushed the door open to the downstairs bathroom and came to a dead stop. He stared at the stuffed yorkie, and then looked around at all the framed butterflies, trying to decide just how badly he had to pee.

            His bladder won out, and Eggsy made quick work of relieving himself, before he rushed out of the room of horrors. He glanced back, shuddering. When he returned to the living room, he said, “So, uh…” how did he word this? “Wot the fuck, bruv?”

            “Pardon me?” Harry asked, blinking dumbly.

            Merlin smirked, knowingly. “Ah, so ye met Mr. Pickles.”

            “Mister who? Why is there a bleeding dog in yer loo?”

            “Oh,” Harry said, seeming to catch on. “Yes, well, I couldn’t very well just have him buried, now could I? It seemed wrong, especially after he’d been such a good dog.”

            “So y’ had him stuffed and shoved him in yer bathroom?”

            “Well Merlin wouldn’t let me put him anywhere else.”

            “No, it’s weird, and I won’t have him watching me while I sleep,” Merlin stated matter-of-factly.

            “Oh you’re being ridiculous,” Harry huffed.

            Eggsy waited a few minutes while they bantered. It was endearing, but cemented how much he was out of his element, and how little of a chance he had at actually being with them. He coughed in his hand and said, “Right, well, I guess I should get goin’. It’s late, and I got to be up early tomorrow.”

            “Do ye have a moment, lad?” Merlin asked, gesturing to the seat Eggsy had occupied moments before. “There’s something Harry and I wanted to talk to ye about. It’s why we asked ye over tonight.”

            “Is it about the suit? Cause I can afford it, I swear,” Eggsy said, then cursed himself mentally. How pathetic did that sound?

            “No, no it wasn’t that,” Harry reassured.

            “Right, of course.” Eggsy chuckled awkwardly. “Wot was it?”

            Merlin and Harry looked at each other, and Eggsy couldn’t take it anymore. “Oi, will y’ stop doing that? It’s starting to freak me out—and really, if y’ got something to say, then just say it.”

            “You’re right, we’re sorry.” Harry shifted to face Eggsy. Both of their gazes settled on him, pinning him to the chair like one of the butterflies in the bathroom. He felt the weight of their duel stares, and he suddenly couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. “I’m going to be blunt, Eggsy. The reason Merlin and I invited you here tonight was because we wanted to ask you if you’d be interested in being our third.”

            “Third?” Eggsy asked, even though he knew what they meant, but he wanted clarification—he didn’t want to jump to any conclusions.

            “Sexually,” Merlin supplied.

            “Sexually…?”

            “We’d like to have a threesome with you,” Harry said. “Of sorts.”

            “Oh.” Eggsy stared at them, unblinking. “Wot do y’ mean ‘of sorts’?”

            “Ye see, lad… ‘Arry and I share a unique relationship,” Merlin started.

            “And by unique y’ mean… wot? Y’ both aren’t one of them furries, are y’?”

            “A what?” Harry shook his head. “No. What he means is, while Merlin and I have been together for many years—and we both very much love each and are happy—there is one thing Merlin and I don’t do. We don’t have sex.”

            “Y’ don’t have sex,” Eggsy repeated dumbly, and then incredulously added, “How do y’ not have sex?”

            This definitely took a turn he hadn’t expected. Merlin and Harry looked at each other, and Merlin said, “I’m what you would call asexual—do ye know what that is Eggsy?”

            Oh. Now he understood. Sort of.

            “Yeah, my mate Jamal is ace,” Eggsy said. “Wots all this got to do with me then?”

            Merlin looked slightly relieved, and Eggsy suspected it was because he didn’t have to explain his orientation. “Well, over the years Harry and I have worked together to find what works for us. It was a bit touch and go, that was for sure, but eventually we both discovered that while I don’t enjoy sex, I do enjoy watching and guiding.”

            “And I very much enjoy being fucked,” Harry added with a smirk.

            Eggsy swallowed thickly. “Okay… so….” He spread his hands out in front of him, as if searching for something, though for what he didn’t know.

            “We’ve taken partners occasionally who have been interested in us. A few years ago we had another partner for awhile. What were asking ye now is if ye would like to be our third, to have sex with Harry, while I… well, under my care.”

            Oh. Eggsy understood.

            They didn’t press him for an answer, though there was an earnestness to their expressions. Eggsy told himself he didn’t want that, that if he were going to do this, he was either going to do it right and go for a relationship, or he was going to walk away. But he couldn’t fool himself. They were obviously in love, and while they were offering a place in their bed, there was no room in their hearts for another. And as selfish as it was, Eggsy wanted to take what he could get, to grab onto it and hold as tight as possible.

            “Yeah, okay,” Eggsy said after a moment, and a sudden relief fell over them, their shoulders seeming to sag. “Uh… tonight?”

            “No, no lad, we wouldn’t ask that of you,” Merlin said. “Like ye said, ye have to get up early, and we want to give ye time to really process this request.”

            Eggsy scratched the back of his neck. “Ain’t really got to think much about it, bruv. Ways I see it, y’ two are offering me a chance of a life time. Be an arse to turn that down.”

            “Why don’t you come over Saturday? We’ll have dinner before,” Harry suggested.

            That seemed like a good idea. “Okay, yeah… Saturday. Sounds good.”

            “And lad, if ye change your mind, ye won’t hurt our feelings.”

            Eggsy waved him off. He doubted he’d change his mind. He might kick himself after, when he had a taste of them both and then had to walk away, but he knew he wouldn’t change his mind.

            They both showed him to the door, and after a bit of hesitation, Eggsy kissed both of their cheeks and bid them good night.

* * * *

**Step #6: Do the Threesome Tango!**

            “Are you sure about this?” Roxy asked over the phone. “What did they say exactly?”

            “Well, if I wanted to be their third, and then that they meant threesome.” Eggsy stared down at the clothes lying on his bed, his cell phone tucked between his shoulder and ear. “And yeah, I’m sure.”

             “Unless you’re going into this just for the sex—and I know you aren’t—then all you’re going to do is hurt yourself,” Roxy said.

            “No, I know wot I’m doing.” Even he didn’t believe that. “It’ll be fine, Rox. Don’t worry. Nothing but a little harmless sex. Weren’t y’ just saying I needed to get laid?”

            He didn’t try to explain to her the mechanics of the unique threesome he’d be sharing with Merlin and Harry. He honestly wasn’t sure he fully understood.

            “Yeah, by one person. Not two, and not when I know it’s going to break your heart,” Roxy argued. She heaved a sigh. “Look, I know I can’t stop you, so just be careful, alright? And don’t forget to use condoms.”

            “Yes, mom,” Eggsy teased.

            “Love you too.”

            They hung up and Eggsy dropped his phone on the mattress, chewing his bottom lip. It really didn’t matter what he wore. If he was being realistic, he should just pick something that was easy to take off. He settled with a pair of dark wash jeans and blue polo.

            He checked the clock on his nightstand, and then the clock on his phone, and then sat down on the bed and put his head between his legs. Was he really doing this?

            Maybe Roxy was right.                                             

            God, he wanted it. He wanted it _so_ bad.

            So why did it feel like mongoose and cobra were boxing in his stomach? He drew in a slow breath to calm his nerve. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Just sex. Just casual sex with two unbelievably hot gentlemen that were twice his age and so obviously in love.

            Eggsy shoved to his feet and shook his hands and head, trying to dispel his nerves. He gave himself one final look over before leaving for Merlin’s and Harry’s flat.

* * * *

            He brought a spiced pear torte with a bourbon-honey glaze for dessert. He didn’t know if they’d like it, or if he should have brought anything at all, but there he was, clutching the white box to his chest, trying to pretend that his heart wasn’t trying to break through his ribcage.

            Merlin answered the door this time. He ushered Eggsy in with a warm smile. Eggsy stood awkwardly in the foyer, holding out the dessert with a nervous laugh. “I hope y’ like it.”

            “Thank ye, lad. Ye dinnae have to bring anything.” Merlin accepted the box and delivered it into the kitchen, where Harry was putting the last finishing touches on dinner.

            Halfway through the meal, Eggsy began to relax. Maybe it was his second cup of wine or the good food, but the epic battle of mongoose versus cobra in his gut finally ended, and he found himself slipping back into his flirtatious nature.  Harry topped off his wine as he regaled Eggsy with a story of his time Greece, and Merlin cleared the plates from the table.

            “So what did you do when you couldn’t find your clothes?” Eggsy asked, grinning up at Harry.

            “Well, seeing as how I had no towel either, I pulled off a palm frond from a nearby tree and used it to cover my… well, cock.”

            Eggsy nearly spit out his wine. “For reals? Y’ ain’t taken the piss?”

            “Certainly not.” Harry chuckled.

            Merlin returned and the laughter died. Eggsy could feel both of their eyes on him, and he took a large gulp of pinot noir. Harry took the glass from Eggsy and set it down. “If you don’t want to do this Eggsy, we understand. There’s no pressure.”

            “No, I want to,” Eggsy said hastily.

            Harry nodded and exchanged a look with Merlin before tipping his head towards the door. “Then shall we retire to the bedroom?”

            “No dessert?” Eggsy asked.

            “Would ye rather eat the torte or would ye rather eat out Harry?”

            Fuck. That mental image went straight to his dick. “Y’ know wot, I’m good on dessert,” Eggsy said and scrambled to his feet.

            Harry laughed, the sound molten and sticky, bubbling over Eggsy like champagne. He could easily get drunk on Harry’s laugh.

            They showed Eggsy to their room. The furniture was old and eclectic, heavy pieces that looked like they’d been inherited, most of them probably dating back a few hundred years. Not all the woods matched, but the different tones gave the master bedroom a warm homey feeling that carried throughout the house. Eggsy stared at the large king sized bed and then at Merlin and Harry.

            “So, uh… how do y’ want to start?”

            “Come here lad,” Merlin instructed, and Eggsy listened. He moved into the curve of Merlin’s arms, not surprised to feel the granite muscles beneath the sweater. Merlin’s steely arm locked around Eggsy’s waist. Merlin tipped Eggsy’s head back, his hand nearly engulfing the left side of his face, and kissed Eggsy as if he were an uncharted land being discovered for the first time—with careful deliberation and reverent awe.

            Eggsy melted into Merlin, hands fisting in his shirt. He parted his mouth, and Merlin deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue past Eggsy’s lips. Eggsy was pretty sure the only thing keeping him standing was the iron band of Merlin’s arm around him.

            When Merlin broke, Eggsy whispered, “Fuck me.”

            “That’s the plan,” Merlin assured.

            Eggsy rolled his eyes and shoved his shoulder. He turned around, coming face to face with a very naked Harry. “Fucking Christ,” Eggsy shouted.

            “No, I’m afraid there’ll be none of that tonight.”

            “Oh shove it y’ bastards,” Eggsy said, unable to tear his gaze away from the vision in front of him. Harry was all hard muscle, with a narrow waist and legs that seemed to go for miles. He was over six feet of carved marble, and Eggsy wanted to worship him at his feet. “Please tell me I get to suck that cock of yers.”

            “You can,” Harry confirmed. “And you can do much more.”

            Eggsy suddenly felt the weight of hands on his shoulders and Merlin’s hot breath ghosting over his ear. “Harry is quite the cock slut. Can’t get enough of them,” Merlin whispered into his ear in a low husky rumble.

            Eggsy couldn’t seem to get his tongue to work, so he settled for nodding in what he hoped wasn’t an overly enthusiastic way—he wanted to seem somewhat together.

Harry took his cock in his hand, giving a few leisure strokes to wake it up. Merlin straightened and ordered, “On the bed Harry.”

“Yes sir,” Harry answered, and while he still held himself with his usual confidence, there was a subservient tilt of his chin; he lowered his gaze and obeyed Merlin, slipping onto the bed one knee at a time and then lying down face first.

“Before we begin,” Merlin said, turning his attention to Eggsy. “We need to discuss some things.”

“Okay,” Eggsy said, forcing himself to look away from Harry’s pert arse and face Merlin.

“I’ll be here, watching and guiding ye. If at any time, though, ye feel uncomfortable lad, or decide ye want to stop, just say Camelot. The same rule applies for both Harry and I,” Merlin explained. “Do ye understand?”

“Yeah, Camelot. Got you.”

“Good. Also, because ye are a new partner, we’ll be using condoms tonight. That won’t be a problem, will it?”

“No,” Eggsy assured.

Merlin rewarded him with another bone-melting, breath-stealing kiss. “Good lad.” Eggsy visibly preened at the praise. Merlin turned him around by the shoulder and nudged him towards the bed. “Shall we begin?”

Eggsy walked to the bed until his thighs hit the end. Harry rocked against the mattress, his arse popping in and out as he rolled his hips, the movement fluid and slow, as if he were caught in a dance. Eggsy bit back a groan and divested himself of his clothes in record time.

A chair scraped against the floor. He looked to his right, where Merlin had pulled up a kitschy wingback. He tipped his head to the side and said, “We’ll start slow. Taste him Eggsy, learn his body.”

Never let it be said that Eggsy didn’t know how to take an order. Like the good soldier he was, he climbed onto the bed, framing Harry’s thighs with his knees, and leaned over to pepper kisses along Harry’s shoulder. Harry turned his head, pink lips open, and Eggsy couldn’t resist stealing a kiss from him.

Harry reached up to tangle his hand in Eggsy’s hair, holding his head in place as he deepened the kiss. Eggsy found it harder and harder not to just fuck into Harry, to take him right then and there, because _Christ_ , the way he kissed was pure sin and it made Eggsy want to do all sorts of bad things.

“Are you going to fill me with your cock, Eggsy?” Harry asked, words dripping from his lips like nectar for Eggsy to lap up. “Been thinking about it for ages. Dreaming about you inside me.”

Eggsy fisted his hands in the comforter and groaned, “Yeah. Babe, when I’m through with y’, y’ ain’t ever gonna want another cock.”

Harry hummed enticingly and Eggsy returned to tasting every inch of his creamy skin. Eggsy trailed his tongue down Harry’s spine, eliciting a long moan, which broke into a yelp when Eggsy bit gently at Harry’s hip.

“Not his hole,” Merlin said, when Eggsy started to part Harry’s cheeks. “Not yet.”

Merlin’s tone remained steady, and Eggsy took it as a sign that he wasn’t doing his job good enough. He didn’t want to think about what happened after this, where that left him. All he could do at the moment—all he could concentrate on—was the task at hand. Maybe, just maybe, if he did a good enough job, they would let him come back.

Eggsy kissed his way down Harry’s thighs, scraping teeth against the backs of his knees, and licking at the muscular swell of his shapely calves. Harry humped against the mattress, a whine building in the back of his throat. “Please,” he gasped, word slightly muffled.

“I got y’,” Eggsy reassured, nipping at his inner thigh. He could smell Harry’s cologne, and he knew that after tonight, the scent would be engrained in his memory.

“Part his cheeks Eggsy,” Merlin instructed, timber pitched low, but steady. Sex. His voice was sex. “Taste him, lick him open. Get him nice and wet.”

Harry moaned and lifted his hips up, presenting himself to Eggsy. Eggsy looked at Harry’s raised arse and ran his hands over the smooth swell of cheeks, skimming his thumbs down Harry’s crack, before carefully prying his arse cheeks open to reveal the puckered pink ring.

“It’s a lovely hole, isn’t it? Begging to be filled. And if Harry’s a good boy and doesn’t come before he’s allowed to, he’ll get filled. Do ye think ye can be good for Eggsy and me, pet?” Harry nodded, and Merlin ordered, “Words, love.”

“Yes, I’ll be good,” Harry stammered out, hands tangled in the sheets, head turned to the side to face Merlin. “I’ll be so good. Want his cock. _Need it_. I’ll be a good boy.”

Eggsy dragged his hands down Harry’s back, tracing the notches in his spine. “Want me to eat y’ out, baby? Y’ going to moan prettily for me?”

“Oh yes, I like him.” Merlin chuckled, as Harry moaned a ‘yes’.

Eggsy re-parted Harry’s cheeks and leaned down to lick a stripe up across his taint. He was tart and salty and oh so delicious. Harry broke down in a full-body shudder and cry. His thighs started to quiver as Eggsy began a steady pace with his tongue, licking and teasing the tender flesh, planning on cracking Harry open, breaking him apart, shattering him until there was absolutely nothing left, and then rebuilding him.

“Good lad. Look at ye, so beautiful. Does he taste good?” Merlin murmured, brogue growing thicker as he coaxed Eggsy on with endearments and praise.

Eggsy answered with a groan and then sealed his lips over Harry’s hole and sucked. The sound Harry made, a cross between a whine and a moan, could be felt in Eggsy’s core. He soothed the flushed ring with a few strokes of his tongue, and then pushed the tip of his tongue in.

Eggsy shifted behind Harry, getting into a better position so he could begin to fuck him with his tongue. When his hole was good and wet, upon Merlin’s instructions, Eggsy added a finger and started to open Harry up.

Harry was a mess beneath him, collapsed onto his shoulders and whining into the blankets. “Fuck, oh fuck,” Harry sobbed. “More. Please, more.”

Eggsy added a second finger, removing his tongue so he could start to fuck Harry with his digits.

“God lad, ye are a delight to watch. Exquisite. Now fuck him open. He’ll need to be stretched well to fit yer cock.” Something was thrown onto the mattress by the bed. “Use the lubricant.”

Merlin’s voice had taken on a huskier cadence, and Eggsy grinned internally at the pitch change. Eggsy withdrew his hands and grabbed the bottle of lube, quickly slicing his digits up before reinserting them into Harry. He twisted his fingers and crooked them up, dragging his blunt finger tips along Harry’s inner wall, rubbing until he pressed against the spongy knot of his prostate.

“Fuckfuckfuck,” Harry panted, rocking against Eggsy’s hand. “Gonna come, gonna come. Please just let me come.”

“No, ye can’t,” Merlin said, and Harry sobbed. “Ye want Eggsy cock? Ye gotta wait love, can ye do that for me? Yer almost ready. Yer doing splendid.”

Harry drew in a shuddering breath and Eggsy added a third finger, making sure he worked Harry good and loose. While Eggsy wasn’t necessarily long—he was of average length—he was thick, and he knew he needed to prep his partners well before he fucked them.

“Condoms?” Eggsy asked as he withdrew his hand.

Merlin tossed a foiled package to Eggsy, which he ripped open and rolled on. Merlin shifted in the corner of Eggsy’s eye and said, “Now take him by the hips and ease in. Nice and slow. We have all night.”

Eggsy slicked his sheathed prick and lined the head of his cock up. Carefully he breached Harry’s entrance. His head fell back as tight intense heat swallowed him. He immediately lifted his head back up and looked down, watching as Harry swallowed his member, sucking his shaft in one centimeter at a time. Harry let out a long moan as Eggsy worked his way in, dragging out, and then pushing back in, until eventually he bottomed out.

“Good. Yer doing so well lad,” Merlin praised, the words a ghost in his ear, wrapping around Eggsy and helping to guide his hips as he began an almost painfully slow pace.

Harry bowed his spine, hands stretched out like a cat, fingers digging into the mattress, and rolled in his hips in time with each of Eggsy’s thrusts. He clenched his walls on the push in, and Eggsy’s eyes rolled into the back of his head at the intense burst of pleasure.

“Show our boy what ye can do, love,” Merlin said, “Show him what a cock whore ye are.”

“Feels so good, Eggsy,” Harry moaned. “Need more. Need you to fuck me hard. Like I know you want to. Want to feel you in the morning, and the next day, and the next week.”

Eggsy tightened his grip on Harry’s hips, nails biting into the delicate skin, and looked at Merlin. Merlin nodded and said, “Aye, fuck him lad. I want to see yer strength.”

Eggsy rolled his shoulders to loosen the muscles in his back. His thighs burned from the pace he had already set. He drew back to the tip and then slammed forward, driving until Harry with a hard slap that stole the breath from his lungs. Harry gasped. Eggsy repeated the movement, diving into a brutal pace that had Harry’s arse jiggling and bouncing. The elicit sound of flesh slapping against flesh mixed with Eggsy’s harsh breathing and Harry’s cries.

Eggsy was vaguely aware of a zipper going down and an echoing wet sound of flesh being worked, but his concentration was on Harry, so he didn’t look up to see where it came from—he had an idea.

“Good lad, good. Fuck our little slut,” Merlin continued to say, compelling Eggsy to go harder, until he plowed into Harry.

“Please,” Harry cried, loud and breathless. “Need to come. Please. Can’t last. Can’t.”

At the last word, his voice broke into a teary choked sob.

Eggsy was close. He could feel the pressure building in his gut, a tightly coiled fire that was about ready to explode.

“Come,” Merlin said, and Harry moaned in gratitude.

Harry stiffened beneath Eggsy, his walls convulsing around him. Eggsy fucked Harry through his orgasm, fucked into him after, stroking the sensitive walls, striking his over-sensitive prostate, breaking him further—Eggsy fucked himself into Harry’s memory, searing a place there, so that even when this was all over, Harry would remember tonight.

Harry writhed beneath him, legs jerking and hips canting. Eggsy held on, wanting to drag it out, make it last, hold on for a few more seconds, a greedy dog with only a few scraps he tried to make last.

Merlin groaned, loud and rumbling, and Eggsy looked over to watch his face twist in pleasure as he squeezed cum from his cock. It was a gorgeous sight to see Merlin so far gone, to see the calm he constantly maintained lost to his carnal desires. Eggsy came hard, mind blanking and vision going white.

When Eggsy came to, he was lying next to Harry, panting. Merlin brought a wash cloth over and went about wiping them down, then passed Harry and Eggsy each a glass of water and praised, “Ye both did so lovely, my beautiful boys.”

Eggsy tried not to think too much on the endearment. He drank the water, and after he caught his breath, he moved to get off the bed, but Harry dragged him back down and cuddled into his back.

“Stay,” Merlin said. It wasn’t a demand, but a gentle request. “We’d like ye to stay tonight—unless…”

“No, no… I’ll stay,” Eggsy whispered. He could feel Harry snoring gently against his neck. Merlin nodded, smiling at Eggsy, and after he changed into his pajamas, he joined them in bed.

*** * * ***

**Step #7: Live Happily Ever After**

            Eggsy didn’t know what would happen the next morning. He knew that was it. They were just looking for sex, and while he was sure they’d probably offer a few more rounds, Eggsy didn’t want to be just a temporary fling, something to brighten their relationship, another cock in a line of many.

            Merlin fixed breakfast, and while it wasn’t awkward in the morning, Eggsy could feel everything drawing to an end, and it gave everything a sense of finality.

            “Last night was wonderful,” Harry said, when the food was cleared from the plates. He set his tea down and smiled across the table at Eggsy. “I can still feel your fingers on my hips.”

            Oh Eggsy would miss being inside Harry. He’d never felt something that was so right before. Harry was made for him.

            He’d miss Merlin in his ear as well. There had been something thrilling and erotic about having Merlin there, guiding them, whispering praise and instructions. It allowed Eggsy to let go, to not think and just feel.

            He’d miss them both, miss all of it.

            “Yeah, bruv. It was aces,” Eggsy agreed, trying to keep his tone light and casual.

            “We’d like to do this again, lad,” Merlin said, dusting crumbs from his fingers. “That is, if this is something ye’d be interested in.”

            “I…” Eggsy opened and closed his mouth. It _was_ something he wanted to do again, but not in the context of what they were suggesting. And as much as he’d love sex with Harry and Merlin a second time, he couldn’t let himself fall deeper than he already had. “I… don’t think that be a good idea,” Eggsy said, looking away.

            “Oh.” Merlin said, disappointed.

            Eggsy looked at him and then Harry, who’s expression could only be described as crestfallen. Harry pulled himself together and nodded. “We understand. It is a tad unconventional and a lot to ask.”

            “It ain’t that I didn’t enjoy it,” Eggsy said, suddenly feeling like he needed to explain himself. “Cause I did. Y’ both are… well… fuck, there ain’t no describing it. Nothing is going to compare. But… I just… we both want something different, yeah?”

            Merlin and Harry looked at each other, and then back at Eggsy. “I see,” Harry said, with a small sigh. “That’s… well, to be frank, disappointing. I thought we were clear on what we wanted.”

            “Y’ were,” Eggsy said, swallowing the hard knot of emotion in his throat. “And one time was fine, but I just… I can’t, yeah?”

            “Of course, lad,” Merlin said.

            They smiled, as if everything was alright, and for a moment Eggsy really thought it was. He thought that whatever they did have was salvaged. He finished his tea, kissed their cheeks, and told him he’d talk to them soon.

            Only he didn’t. They didn’t come by the bakery the next day, or the day after. A week passed and still neither Merlin nor Harry showed up to greet Eggsy. But every morning, even when Eggsy knew they wouldn’t be there, he had their orders ready and waiting, pathetically hopeful that one of them would walk through the door.

            “Maybe they’re just busy,” Roxy said, picking at the wild blueberry and vanilla scone Eggsy had gotten her. Over a week had passed since Eggsy’s amazing night.

            “Never stopped ‘em before,” Eggsy grumbled into his mug of tea.

            “Perhaps they went away on a trip?”

            “Maybe.” But Eggsy doubted it. He knew what it was. They were done with him. They had their fun, and since Eggsy obviously didn’t want what they did, they were staying away. Maybe they thought they were doing him a kindness, sparing his feelings. Who knew?

            Eggsy sighed and set his cup down. “It doesn’t matter. I’m being stupid—I _was_ stupid. Should have listened to y’.”

            “Usually I’m all for being right, but Eggs, you’re obviously gone on these two blokes. Maybe you should go talk to them?”

            “About what? That I want to date them? That I think we have fucking universe-starting chemistry, and that we could all three live happily ever after? I don’t think so Rox. They made it clear that they were looking for something a bit rough, someone to fill a hole, and warm their bed.”

            “So that’s it then? You’re just going to throw in the towel and forget about it? That isn’t the Eggsy Unwin I know.” She glared at him across the table. “If you’re really that interested, then stop moping and self-pitying yourself, and do something about it. Maybe they didn’t know what your feelings really were. Did you guys actually have a discussion about it?”

            “Well… no…” Eggsy rubbed the back of his neck.

            Roxy rolled her eyes. “Bloody hell, Eggs. Well how did you expect them to know? Hmm? Pull your head out of your arse and go after your men.”

            Eggsy pouted. “Y’ don’t have to be so mean.”

            “I’m mean because I care,” Roxy stated primly.

            Eggsy wadded up his napkin and threw it at her. “Wotever. Don’t make me charge y’ for that scone.”

            She was right though, and Eggsy decided that maybe it was time for him to go pick up his over-priced suit.

* * * *

            Eggsy entered Kingsman Tailor Shop, glancing nervously around the store front. Harry looked up from where he was writing something down behind the counter and blinked in surprise. “Eggsy, my boy… what are you doing here?”

            “Um.” Eggsy straightened his shoulders, gathering his courage. “My suit is ready, yeah?”

            “Oh, right. Of course. It is.” Harry set his pen down. “Why don’t I fetch it and you can try it on. Wait for me in changing room two.”

            Eggsy nodded and hurried into the room Harry pointed to. He closed the door behind him and turned to face the mirrors. “Y’ can do this,” Eggsy told his reflection.

            There was a knock at the door, and then Harry popped in, suit bag draped over his arms. “Why don’t you try this on and then I’ll come back in and make sure everything is right.”

            He kept his tone so professional. Eggsy could still remember the breathless neediness that had filled Harry last Saturday. When he closed his eyes, he saw the finger-shaped bruises on his hips.

            Did Harry still feel him?

            Did he even think about him?

            Did Merlin?

            “Is Merlin here?” Eggsy asked, trying to play it off casually, though he was pretty sure he failed. He accepted the suit bag.

            “He is. Did you need to speak with him?”

            “No, no… just curious,” Eggsy said. “I’ll try this on.”

            Harry nodded, hesitating for a moment, that familiar warmth filling his eyes. He then left, leaving Eggsy alone.

            Eggsy hung the bag and unzipped it, revealing the beautiful bespoke suit inside. It was a lovely shade of navy with white pinstripes. The luxurious fabric was soft beneath his finger tips. He’d never had anything so fine before, and he honestly didn’t know where he would wear the damn thing.

            _Maybe I’ll just wear it to work. I paid for it, might as well use it._

Eggsy stripped and dressed in the suit, which to no surprise, fit him perfectly. He turned in the mirror, looking himself over, appreciating the sharp lines and creases, the way it accentuated his hips and stretched over his broad shoulders. The pants were like a glove. There wasn’t any tightness around his thick thighs. Everything was flawless, and Eggsy decided it be blasphemous to wear such a fine work of art to the bakery.

            _Guess I paid a thousand for it to sit in my closet._

There was a knock at the door, and then Harry asked, “Are you changed Eggsy?”

            “Yeah, come in.”

            Harry entered and froze in the threshold. “You look… amazing,” Harry said, for a moment seeming to forget himself.

            Eggsy flushed and looked down at himself. “I clean up well, eh?”

            “You under credit yourself. You’re very handsome Eggsy,” Harry said—was that longingly?

            Eggsy’s stomach flipped, and he could feel a second war beginning in his gut. If he didn’t just do this, he wouldn’t do it ever. He just needed to blurt it out, but he needed Merlin here. “Look, ‘Arry, before y’ start measuring, can y’ get Merlin? There’s, uh, something I wanted to talk to y’ two about.”

            Harry blinked, one brow arched in question, but he nodded and went to fetch the wizard. When he returned, Merlin froze in the door beside Harry, whispering, “Look at ye lad, yer absolutely beautiful.”

            Fuck, they were making this hard.

            Eggsy squeezed his eyes shut, then forced them open and blurted out, “I don’t want to be just a cock for y’ both.”

            It was almost comical to see the twin shocked expressions on their faces. Merlin coughed into his hand and asked, “What are ye talking about lad?”

            Eggsy furrowed his brows. He didn’t want to spell it out. “I know that y’ both were just looking for some sex, and I thought I could do it, but… but I don’t want to be just someone y’ fuck a few times, and then toss aside. I…” He clamped his mouth shut.

            “You what?” Harry pressed.

            Was he really going to say it? It was now or never. He looked between them, meeting a set of warm brown eyes and cool gray, and imagined a future where he woke up to them every morning.  That was a possibility, if he just said what he felt. No games. No tricks. No steps or phases. Just honest words.

            “I like y’ both, a lot, and… if y’d have me, I’d like to try a relationship with y’ and Merlin.” Harry and Merlin exchanged another look, and Eggsy glowered. “Will y’ two stop that!”

            Harry started to laugh, and it was like a sucker punch to the gut. He clenched his jaw and looked away. “Alright, I get it. Ha ha, laugh at the chav. Look, just fucking ring up the suit and I’ll be out of yer hair.”

            “No-no,” Harry hurried out, trying to stifle his laughter.

            “Lad, he isn’t laughing at ye,” Merlin said, nudging Harry. Harry coughed, finally controlling himself. “It’s just… that was what we offered ye before.”

            “Wot?” Eggsy blinked at them. “No it wasn’t. Y’ said third, threesome. Sex.”

            “No, we meant third. As in… our third partner. We had a third many years ago, but he passed away in an accident about six years ago—he was the one we mentioned before—and Harry and I haven’t been with anyone since James. Haven’t found anyone we wanted to be with. And then we met ye, and well… ye were like a glimpse of sun after a century of gray skies.”

            Eggsy flushed, hope ballooning in his chest. “R-really?” He stammered out, and then added quickly, “I mean, I’m sorry about yer loss.”

            “It’s alright,” Harry said, smile bittersweet. “We made peace with James’s passing. And I’m sorry. For laughing… and not being clear. We thought you understood what we were offering. We should have talked more.”

            “Y’ really want… to date?” Eggsy asked. He needed them to say it.

            Harry nodded, and Merlin asked, “Lad, would ye do two fools the honor on accompanying them on a date?”

            Eggsy flung himself at Merlin, kissing him hard, before moving to Harry. Harry’s arms tightened around him, and Merlin slipped up behind Eggsy, enveloping both of them in his arms. Eggsy closed his eyes as he was compressed between their chests, their heartbeats synchronizing with his.

            He was wrong; he did get his happily ever after.


End file.
